I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
