You smell like stripper and shame
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
