I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
