They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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