check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
