out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
