hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So vagazzling was a success
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
