Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
