just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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