Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
