I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
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you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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