i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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