meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I have feelings that need drinking.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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