hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
