I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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