Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
