census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
