i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
NoShamevember. You game?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
