11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
