Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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