I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
