all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
