U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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