You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
