Heybabeimwearingurpanties
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
