I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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