there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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