a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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