I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize