moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
