I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
