Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
