omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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