There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
