I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
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Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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