Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
