Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
