Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
