i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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