What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
