The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
