either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
