Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
