I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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