Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
