did you get engaged???
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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