let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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