Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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