you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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