My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
