I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
