"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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