Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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