Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
