I'm pants shitting drunk right now
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
