I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
