She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
