I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
