I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
