Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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