I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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