trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just googled if crying burns calories
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
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