my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize