i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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