I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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