I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
