Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
