You can't motorboat a personality
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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