At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
