New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
