I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
