Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize