so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
